Blaze.

It's a slow burn,
A flickering light,
Like the smoulder of fire,
Kept through the night,

His touch is not static,
It's dynamic yet slow,
Gradually losing control,
To that fiery glow,

Turning doubts to ash,
And settling in the haze,
Lost in this gentle,
But heavy hot blaze.

The best kind of break up.

I watched a movie tonight called "Celeste and Jesse Forever" that was sweet and sad and funny and honest.

It is about a break up between two people who are essentially soul mates and best friends and how each of them copes with moving on from the relationship.

It made me think...all break ups should be like theirs.

Wouldn't you want the last thing you say to each other to be 'I love you', whilst accepting that now it is over and you both have to move on?

You could leave knowing that you have left a piece of your heart with them, and likewise you have a piece of theirs. Forever.

The perfect break up.

Instead, it seems that break ups are too often nasty and whatever love was there to begin with is buried in the aftermath.

I cried because I wish that this movie could be true in life, whilst I know that it is unlikely that it ever will be.

Friendships disintegrate. Relationships break down. We all have to move on.

Thoughts on life.

In life, in this moment breath and mind come together to create, leave a fiery path of passion behind you. Believe. Leave only memory of the way you lived. Live to leave memories. Love, and love, and love again. Become a little more broken each time you lose but find someone capable of holding the pieces of you together. Smile. Frown. Laugh. Cry. The passage of time is better marked on your skin with lines than ink. Be unwise to find wisdom. Accept your fears and then beat them. Always learn. Let new information become a part of you. Create. Do not expect breath to last because one day it will be gone. Breathe deeper. Live.

No words.

Thought I had better write an explanation for why my blog has been so neglected lately... It's a shame because I love writing and it's almost a form of therapy for me. But I'm doing my honours project this year at university and I think all of my words are going to be taken up in that 10 000 word thesis due in October. Yeesh.

Also, I just can't write when I'm happy and life has been pretty alright lately I guess :) There might be the odd procrastination post every now and then just before exams come round. For now, I'm just looking forward to the day when I have more time to myself and can get stuck into writing for myself again.

Until then.

Tears in the darkness.

Nighttime slid, darkly through the window,
Glanced out as I pulled the curtains to,
And saw the star shine pouring down,

Thought of how this once was always,
Staring, lost in thoughts and words,
And puzzling life out piece by piece,

Stuttered start, trying to get the words out,
Feelings that scratch under my skin,
And eke out in the form of tears and the truth.

Love.

It's the moonlight cutting through a gap in the blinds that I can not close and shining right across the bridge of my nose in otherwise darkness.

It's the joy of fitting exactly perfectly into your embrace and not ever wanting to move no matter how much it aches.

It's tracing your name into the grain of the wood of the table with my nail and wishing it was a chisel instead so that I could make it permanent like the way you're etched into every stray thought.

It's staring at my phone wondering why it is silent still and checking it compulsively for no reason other than the thought of you.

It's feeling your heart beat and pretending that it beats just for me.

Uninspired.

There is something lost and dull about this place. It is the only place uninspiring enough to inspire me right now. Turns out I can't write when I'm happy. At all. So I have to seek out these feelings of loneliness. And nothingness. And maybe even sadness.

There's too much light in that other place. There, I don't have to turn to the solace of a blank piece of paper and my favourite pen or a blank Word document with flashing cursor to turn these train track thoughts into something solid that I can get over.

I have writer's block like nothing else right now.