30 June, 2011

Soldiers.

The soldiers in a line,
Perfect, countable rows,
Ready to fight, to die,
Just to prove,
Amour non-réciproqué,
There is no understanding,
Of all the pain,
The wars now forming,
The hearts to break.

28 June, 2011

Too late.

Letting someone go is the hardest decision to make,
When time after time you've tried to hold on,
Wishing they'd open their eyes to see your fingers slipping,
Trying to grip for just one second longer,
And how it hurts when the moment you lose the fight,
They turn, eyes wide open at last, but you're already gone.

19 June, 2011

This smile.

This smile you've given to me, I tried to make it go away. I thought I had it under control. Thought you didn't mean that much at all.

Funny how I know that I can't lie and yet I still try to lie to myself. It doesn't work any better. So maybe I'll just go with the truth.

You make me smile. And it's amazing.

15 June, 2011

Can't cope with your words.

You're such a hypocrite.
you kill me
It's hypocritical of me to say that.
suicide

12 June, 2011

Paris.

My parents and little brother are in Paris. I am possibly the most jealous person alive. Imagine all the inspiration over there. I miss Paris. Here is a journal entry that I wrote following my first trip there - about 4 years ago...
"Though it was dark and grey, she felt fully alive; as if the sky was shining down clear, vibrant light mixed with crystal raindrops. Not a threatening sky at all, that which hung over the dull but dynamic city, trimmed in gold and boasting the salmon-bronze peak of le tour eiffel. 

They had just arrived, she and the others, their stomachs bubbling with anticipation. A walk was suggested, the rain had abated. 
A walk? Boring. 
Well, why not? 
Jackets? 
Don't bother. 
She grabbed one, practical as ever. 

Limbs fizzing with energy, they made their way down the sidewalk. Grey, of course. There was uniformity, if nothing. The crystals made a showy, over-the-top reappearance. Half remained, blanketed by practicality and a hardly useful green canopy. The rest fled. 

Found themselves in a park. 
We are adults now, parent-less in a foreign country. 
Slipped and slid and shouted and giggled anyway. 

Soaked to the bone, hair slicked, cheeks chilled, fingers trembling. 

Nous sommes à Paris!"

11 June, 2011

Do you tremble?

Can't help but write long poems lately - my thoughts are runaway.

Rushing and heaving,
A room filled with mouths,
Your lips shaped to,
Words only I heard,

My eyes drawn to yours,
Dark deepest drowning,
Your eyes on mine,
Know I am safe here,

Side by side and close,
The gentlest touch,
Tremble, I try,
To focus on breath,

Hottest heat burning,
A haze seems to shift,
Lines are all blurred,
Clarity in you,

The crowd stirs, mutters,
Yet here we remain still,
Silent shy stunned,
Hesitant to break,

Tremble, we tremble,
A shimmering bond,
Feel it budding,
A new bud to bloom,

A sigh passes now,
Cold recognition,
Crowd starts to move,
We pull away slow,

Heat all leaves with you,
Fading and falling,
Cold rushes in,
I shiver and hurt,

Dare not to glance back,
Though I am aching,
The flower wilts,
Will it bloom again?

07 June, 2011

Teeth.

The teeth of the night press into skin,
A thousand pinpricks of pressure,
Rolling over the surface, searching,
Injecting ice into blood,

Shuddering, bitter-sharp pain,
And the cutting sweetness of warmth,
Rushed and shoved aside,
In a hostile flood of cold.

05 June, 2011

Silly.

When I think about it, I miss the silliest things. I mean I miss you, don't I?

03 June, 2011

Don't.

Don't act so naive,
It's painful to see,
You put up this pretence,
When I know you get it,

Don't give me that look,
Like I'm giving you shit,
I'm sure you could do it better,
Now couldn't you?

Oh and hey, don't forget,
That innocent smile,
I know that it's fake,
But it's all about consistency,

This is how it feels,
To be completely ignored,
Left on your own,
Expected to do it all,

Welcome to life,
Maybe you'll have to deal with something,
That hurts, feels real, cuts deep,
And isn't so easy.

01 June, 2011

Gravity (of the situation).

There was a weight on me,
Something pushing down,
When the sky turned grey,
And everything stalled,

In the darkness,
Under a starless sky,
I leant against a cold wall,
And wondered when you'd return,

Gravity gives tears the right,
To fall,
You gave them a reason,
To come at all,

In the darkness,
No light from the moon,
I curled under stifling warmth,
And wondered when you'd return,

Gravity gives tears the right,
To fall,
You gave them a reason,
To come at all,

I'm crumbling into tiny pieces,
Just like the absent stars,
Enough to fill the heavy sky,
To watch for your return.
 
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